


Loser

by NekoChiDaioh



Category: Battle Royale (2000), HiroTaka, SugimuraXChigusa
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 15:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3072350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoChiDaioh/pseuds/NekoChiDaioh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>War and Peace.<br/>Takako and Sugimura.</p>
<p>Some memories about an undeclared love before Takako Chigusa's last breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loser

**Author's Note:**

> First work here, guys.  
> Those times I've been so addicted by Battle Royale (movie, manga, book) that I couldn't let it pass.  
> There are so many cool characters that shouldn't have died!  
> Sigh.

**LOSER.**

 

 

I'm a loser in so many ways.

Terrible to make friends, harsh in my words. I'm loser when I'm honest. I'm loser because I had grown up too fast in my mind.

Exactly. Speed is why I'm a loser. And it's also why I'm a winner.

In this shitty, mad country the most important thing is to be a survivor. That's the _raison d'etre_ behind the sick Program. The reality to turn us, pure brats, into soulless soldiers.

My only advantages are my speed and my pride. And the belief that I would never face the horrors of Program if I ran faster.

My pride, though...

\- Don't, Takako... - that crying is as familiar as my loser complex and my fuckin' pride - Don't die, Taka...

I was almost forgetting one more way to be a loser.

I had felt in love for that crying voice.

And, most important...

\- Is there someone you like, Hiroki...?

... I was really dying in that stupid Program.

******

**Winter**

It was me who told him that crying was useless. Harsh, as always. Age of 7 or maybe less. It was raining and he was there, sobbing because his most beloved action figure had been broken by some random punks. A crying baby with no shame and no dignity, a very easy target for bullying in his small completion and girly bright eyes.

I had known him my entire life. The neighbor Sugimura, similar age but no consciousness about the world. Or maybe he had one and was terrified. Whatsoever the possibilities, I had been there, one more time, to testify his lack of self-defense. And it pissed me off from the top of my well brushed hair to the end of my new pair of boots for rainy days.

-  You coward - he was still sobbing, trembling under the drizzle - You should give them the payback! Stop crying, it's no use. See? Your toy won't be repaired with tears.

Oh, I could really say I was being the adult there, but also an annoying bitch. I had no friends, though. And probably Hiroki Sugimura wouldn't be compelled to be friends with me after such scold.

-  Stop pity yourself, Sugimura. Fight back!

He gave me a glance and during some seconds, I did thought he was going to throw the remains of the toy on me. But he didn't. Instead, Hiroki wiped the tears off and frowned, clenching his fists.

-  I will. - he said seriously - I won't lose anymore, Chigusa-san.

Whoa, what a twist.

-  It's easy to say. - I couldn't shut my mouth indeed - But are you really determined?

Those provocations were mere reflex, my stubborn self-defense to discover someone who could surpass my dignity as masked loser. Thankfully, he wasn't so smart to realize the truth. We were just kids.

-  I'm determined. I'll be strong. - soon Hiroki abandoned the pieces of the broken soldier and came closer to me - It's a promise, Chigusa-san. - his voice was trembling again, a mix of hatred and coldness. Involuntary I offered him a place under my umbrella.

As well as in my solitary, mechanic, loser heart.

*******

**Summer**

“The weirdest couple”.

That's one of many definitions about us. You know how kids can be cruel and how much imagination they spend on false conclusions in order to get some attention. We all wanted to be special.

Except for Hiroki. He became taller than me and his face could make a bunch of kids run away, scared. With his long, black hair and accompanied by figures such the megalomaniac Shinji Mimura and the so-called rebellious rockstar Shuya Nanahara, it wouldn't be a surprise if they had joined yakuza or other delinquent group. Boys and their phallic needs...

While this, I have been making my own way on girl’s track team. No modesty, I knew I was better than average and more mature than those Junya fangirls, but my passion towards running had accelerated the abyss between those girls and me. And of course this didn't help me to improve any social skills. Different from Hiroki whose lack of competence with words suggested a distant guy uninterested in human affairs, I had never been good to keep my mouth shut.

And, ladies and gentleman, there is why I'm a winner and also a loser.

-  If I was as strong as you, I could beat 'em all - my frustrations, naturally, turned me into a bloodthirsty monster.

-  My art doesn't exist to hurt others.

Our little secret: Hiroki Sugimura was still a crybaby. Yeah, he was almost a master in martial arts, but a ridiculous pacifist too. This soft side of him fitted my pleasure that I wasn't alone in the path for losers.

-  Blah, blah. Shut up, Sugi Tap. Don’t you dare to start this bullshit about _art._

And he would choose the silence wisely. See what I mean? Hiroki was peace while I was war. Most of times it wasn’t my intention, but I just didn’t want to look so pitiful.

-  As you please, _lady_ Chigusa. – oh, he couldn’t be so good talking, but he surely was being influenced by the sarcastic Mimura. Other times Hiroki wouldn’t provoke me. In our way back home, we could always talk personal stuff like that and I felt in my heart we hadn’t grown up at all, despite the obvious differences between our bodies.

-  When did that crybaby become taller than me? – I joked during our walk, my angry against those silly schoolgirls vanished from my brain – ‘cause I do remember I was too fearsome for you, Sugi Tap.

The sound of his reticent giggle had started to have another implication to my troubled first years of puberty. And the fact your only true friend in whole world was becoming an important person to you in a very different way was shocking.

-  I promised you once I would be a strong man – there was still humor in his gentle eyes and it was hard to face him in that moment – And I don’t want you to be disappointed, Takako. So, forget those kids for now… Want to have an ice cream or something?

Hiroki Sugimura was older and definitely more mature than the dickheads I was used to see in the school and it was a surprise to realize how much his existence had been taking space in my armored heart. Not just in a romantic, embarrassing manner…

-  You have a loooong way to not disappoint me, Sugi – I gave him a light punch in the arm, permitting myself to smile – Let’s get a break. I pay.

This had happened in a warm afternoon, when we all wanted to be special and touch the clouds and eat ice cream while bunch of other kids, just a little older than us, were fighting against their own friends and dying alone… Under the same bright and beautiful sun.

*******

**Spring**

Two warnings in the same week. That semester I had decided to change my hair color to something lighter and started to use rings and bracelets in a sense to look more adult. Of course it was considered a rebellious behavior in teachers’ view and of course they tried to persuade me to give up from those dangerous thoughts.

I really didn’t know what they meant. And I didn’t care either.

-  You should consider this, Chigusa-san – the class president Yukie Utsumi was one of those “important” people who tried to convince me that my new style was almost a national security issue. – It’s not a matter of prejudice; it’s just to avoid problems in your own future.

Utsumi could be a pain in the ass sometimes, but she was a good girl. Good at sports, good to inspire sufficient trust.

-  Sorry, Utsumi-san. – I wasn’t even sorry, it was her job anyway – I don’t think my appearance will be a burden to understand math or literature class. – She sighed, knowing it was useless - But thanks for the advice.

As I returned to my reading, I could hear the other girls behind me in a small group, asking to Utsumi if I had been the usual heartless bitch. Utsumi, in a clear tone, offered a beautiful answer:

-  She has her own pace. You shouldn’t say those mean things when Chigusa-san can hear you. _This_ is heartless.

“Very good, Ms. Class President”.

It was the same in the girl’s track team. Shit, why all this complaining when my results were so damn good? I quit the training for that day not just because Utsumi had been right in her prediction, but also because I knew a place where no one would bother me.

-  You’re in trouble again?

-  Shut up.

I was curlep up, hugging my knees. The dojo where Hiroki used to train was near to home and during the afternoon, he was always training alone. I liked the dojo, its fresh air and how it was far from the noisy city and its stupid, nationalist people.

-  I can finish it earlier if you want to talk. – _was my depressed expression so visible?_

-  We’re not good in talking, Sugi Tap. – I offered him an ironic smile – And I like to see your moves and pretend you’re Kagawa Jack Chan. Go for it and stop to distract yourself.

-  What the… - after so many years, we’re at least good in understanding each other mood. He knew I wouldn’t say a word, that I was searching for the right, aggressive way to put the situation. – “Kagawa Jack Chan”? Does it even make sense?

-  Nothing really makes sense in our shitty world.

He could not complain about my deep commentary, so he just shrugged and came back to his precious “art”. I wasn’t making excuses, he was really beautiful with all those kung fu moves; the hair balance was breathtaking, the body movements were simply perfect, even to an outsider like me. His face was serene, but concentrated. Fuck, he was right. That wasn’t about being lethal and kicking asses around. There was beauty in the human capacity to comprehend such thing.

-  You’re an exhibitionist, Sugi Tap – I gave him a bottle of water after all the training. We decided to sit on the staircase next the changing room – But it was great.

-  Really? I don’t think… - he was embarrassed… Such a kiddo.

-  Shut up – I repeated, stealing his bottle and drinking a little too – You’re impressive, don’t you dare to say otherwise.

His face became redder and redder. I didn’t mean to spoil him, but sometimes he needed supportive words to crawl out of his nutshell. The problems due to my new style seemed so ridiculous compared to those moments with Hiroki…

_Was I being greedy in wanting him?_

“I’m not that ugly and we’ve known each other for ages… Won’t it be weird if we just… Would it not be a surprise, would it…?”

-  Happy birthday, Hiroki – I whispered, staring my own knees – Thanks for… being here and stuff.

See? Lame words.

-  Takako… uh, thanks… - his tone was hesitant and didn’t seem to match my compliment. I decided to face him and the idiot was tapping his nose, that irritating bad habit that demonstrated his anxiety.

-  Damn, Sugi Tap! You don’t need to be like this! – I frowned, scolding him as always – It was just a lame praise!

Hiroki gulped and I immediately regretted my bitching moment.

-  Sorry… - he apologized before I could do it – It is… Erm… - taping nose, taping nose, Sugi Tap and his loss for words – Takako, I…

-  What? Just spit it out. – at that point I was really curious about all that thing – I promise I won’t be mad.

We had known each other for ages. We have been growing together, right?

-  You’ll call me a dork… - he had lowered his head and the long hair was hiding his blushing face from me. The bottle of water had returned to his hands during that awkward conversation – But you… Right now, have you drunk from this bottle?

_Oh, shit._ I couldn’t help myself anymore and started to laugh immediately. Thanks Gods, we were alone in that place and nobody would see me like that.

-  What are you? A girl? _This_ is why you’re so flustered? – I took the bottle from his insecure hands, trying to keep calm again.

-  But, Takako… - his face was still red, but I realize he became outraged with my reaction – Isn’t it a… you know, an _indirect kiss_? – the last two words had been pronounced almost like a sin. I had to hold myself to not laugh again. At the same time, I had realized the situation.

An accidental indirect kiss in his 13th birthday in an empty dojo after my first week as an undeclared rebel. Those mixed, confused feelings bubbling due to hormones… The curiosity, the temptation, the beautiful _kung fu_ movements…

-  Takako…? – my silence probably was worrying him. Takako Chigusa, the war, the violence… Mute?

-  Sugimura. - I tried to act cool, but Gods knew how nervous I was – If you want to freak out, I’ll give a better reason to.

A simply pushing in his collar and I had crossed the damn line. The line between a loser and a winner. Or not, because this bullshit about feelings and romance is so difficult to understand that cannot be defined in lucid terms. We all have to put some madness in our acts in order to discover the right and wrong buttons of our hearts.

For that moment on the stairs, there weren’t those idiot considerations. I just wanted to kiss Hiroki Sugimura, my only and oldest friend. I just wanted to know the softness of his lips and taste of his mouth because…

_Shit_. _Was I being greedy in wanting him?_

After the kiss, I opened my eyes, hesitant about his reaction. Hiroki hadn’t changed his position, but his expression was very different: Semi-opened lips, surprised eyes, totally shocked and probably any idea in his mind.

\- Hey, will you be like this for the rest of the day?

*****

**Autumn**

I was alone in the changing room. Last day of interschool competitions and Hiroki hadn’t appeared in one single day. Bastard.

It wasn’t his fault, really. During all that season, things had been complicated between us and I wouldn’t be the first one to give him a break or explanations. Truth is: It was our first kiss (or second, if he had considered the fucking indirect one), but we didn’t want to discuss about it. Hiroki was difficult when it comes to change his mind. He couldn’t accept a kiss between friends.

For all the autumn, I keep that memory locked in my heart. There was no one to share, to talk, to laugh, to be pissed off. The regret represented one more loser star in my brilliant curriculum.

_There is, Takako Chigusa, the most prominent high school runner and a shitty friend. There is the Robogirl._

Many people had come to see the last day of competitions and I could expect anything. Those who would pray for my failure and those who would do the same but will praise me after my victory. I knew they hated me, I…

\- Takako…? Are you there…?

I sighed without look at him. The changing room was almost in darkness and the shouts of the audience were easily to hear. However, it was my pathetic heart that was jumping, alive after weeks of solitude.

-  They really want to see you. – _Clumsy Sugi Tap. I love you._ – And… I miss you.

-  Now you miss me? – I didn’t dare to look in his innocent, warm eyes. I didn’t dare to say “sorry” – Get the fuck out, Sugimura. You didn’t show up the whole event. I don’t need you.

-  But I do.

_There is Takako Chigusa._

_Shitty friend._

_Robogirl._

-  I’m such a loser, Hiroki. – I stared my hands, thinking about our story and the important moments that had shaped our personalities. War and Peace. – Even now I know I screwed up things but I can’t apologize. It’s so hard…

-  No need for apologizes. – he sat on the bench by my side – I’m not mad at you, Takako. I was just… Confused. – suddenly he took one of my hands and there wasn’t way to not look at him. My crybaby Sugimura and his pure heart. – That… Before… Well, it was very difficult to understand.

They say girls become mature earlier than boys. Maybe this is true, but it’s also problematic. All sort of feelings are thrown on us and we don’t really know how to manage them. Boys, in other hand, prefer to ignore them until they reach a wiser age.

\- You don’t have to rush things, Hiroki. You have your own pace.

-  Where did you learn this?

-  Perfect Class President Utsumi.

Here we were laughing again. I loved Hiroki’s laugh and cared him deeply. I had lost against myself again and recognized in him someone who could be the winner, a 13 year-old boy too gentle for this crazy world, a friend I wanted to help despite my efforts in being the strongest one.

I looked back because of him, a crying kid in an alley. My neighbor, my best friend, my brother.

\- Can I kiss you, Takako?

\- No. – it was time. I had to go, there was a competition to be won. – Hiroki, you should kiss someone you love, you know? Let’s stop it here.

As we walked to the exit, I knew everything was alright.

\- I really don’t understand what happened here, but… - the Sugi Tap appeared once more, making me laugh – You’re worth the effort, Takako. I owe you.

\- Thanks, Sugi – we smiled in that morning, the uproar coming from the bleachers louder and louder – I gotta go now.

\- Someday you’ll explain it to me, right? – he started to make his way, probably to meet Mimura and Nanahara.

\- Maybe later, crybaby.

However, our first kiss turned into a secret and we forgot the issue after the vacation. Our friendship, I guess, was more important than kisses and romantic stuff. I gave up and decided to find a new love because well, the world is full of interesting people. Or so it was my belief.

********

It hurt.

I know soon I’ll be over. And Hiroki will be alone. God, I don’t want him to be alone… At least he hadn’t seen my performance against the pig Niida, that damn rapist. But what is the fate?

I lost again. Hardcore Souma was faster in that bloody game and there is nothing now except the Death waving to me. Goodbye dad, mom, sister…

Goodbye, Hiroki.

\- You’re crying, Sugi Tap?

Sorry, I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you I failed to find a new love. You must endure this psycho game, the world won’t devour you, my dearest friend.

\- Is there someone you like, Hiroki...?

I’m a selfish girl, Hiroki. I know it’s not me who you love. But we have something more special here, don’t we? You make me strong, at least. Being a loser isn’t as irritating as it was before.

\- Taka…

\- Be careful, Sugi Tap. – Death calls me and blood is consuming my words – You’re great, you know?

I should have said it more often.


End file.
